It's funny how things work in this akward world we live in.
Things could be going great... for your life... but your still not happy.
Tell me.. why am I not happy?
God. It's so aggrivating. and again, I don't want to be whining here, but if you think I am, then don't read it. Simple as that.
I've got like no one to talk to about things going on in my life right now because every time I start talking about it, I feel selfish.. but I really just need to get it off of my chest, so I'll write it in here.
To start off- let me just say how aggrivating boys are. Quite frankly, I've given up. Bottom line. I'm done. Lonliness has now just been incorporated in with feeling normal for me, so I think I'll just deal with it from now on. Too much work to care.
After a certain amount of time of feeling miserable in one area of my life- I've realized it's just easier to stop caring.. and no matter how i convince you so-- I still do care, whether I like it, or not. God-damn heart.
Next up--- Friends... God. What to say about friends?.. They're supposed to be there right?.. and not make you feel like shit.. hah. right. I think it agrees with the statement above-- I still care no matter how I say I don't.. and to be honest-- about 2 weeks ago, I managed to convince myself I truley had no best-friend. I lied. Ariana Belcher has never failed to amaze me.. and seeing as how she's gone, I've realized how much I truley care. No matter the stupid fights, I'll always care about her. And right now I miss her so much.. I like cry thinking about it. ugh. Jessie is yet another one of those people that just.. is there. that person you can go have an amazing time with, doing nothing at all.. example.. mall ratting.. who can go mall ratting once, and then make it an every-other-weekend tradition?.. yep. jessie and me. I love those two to death and beyond and am so thankful that I've managed to come across them, and become so close.
I think i have seasonal depression. I'm always sad in the winter.
Another thing-- i hate how people say they're always there for you, but when the going gets tough.. they get going... away.. it's like wow what the fucks the point then? argh.
I guess I've been back-stabbed enough to realize one thing.. People Suck.
.. 14 years old with trust- issues.. normal or no-way?.. cause i feel like i should be doing fun-stuff.. like.. um 14 year olds?.. but i'm always stuck inside my thought. always
another thing that gets me WICKEDDDDDDDDDD heated. um assholes?. yeah one kid.. hey i'll be nice for once and not say the name.. kay. so mean to me like no other- i stick up for myself and he stops being mean.. and like i'd hang out with his friends and him at social events when i didn't go to westboro and stuff, and he never said anything.. but now that i'm back he says the rudest comments non-stop.. what in the hell?.. it's like i come to talk to my friend, and hes like wow kellyn go away. dont fucking tell me to go away. god it makes me sooooo mad.. and like ugh.. what fuels a person to be so dis-respectful to a person that they don't even take the time to get to know?.. honestly i want an answer. and with this kid, yeah said some pretty mean stuff- but only in my defense. so yeah.. UGH. some things just make me want to go cry.
bleh. each day goes by and i fuckign cry more and more and I honestly just want to know why?.. WHYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!.
god. i hate this.
leave me some comments.. maybe some insights please?
whatever.
Ariana Andrea Belcher I miss you sooooo much. Come home my love. | 
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fate_fails's journal
